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Gricia Writings

Osteria Pesce Fritto e Baccalà, San Lorenzo. €8

Restaurant: ★★★  | Pasta: ★★ | Pepper: ★★ |  Cheese: ★★★ | Guanciale (‘pork cheek’): ★★★★ | OVERALL: 2.5/5 Colosseums

San Lorenzo is the student heartland of Rome. Off the well-worn tourist track, this staunchly anti-fascist neighbourhood lies just to the east of Termini station. In the day you see political graffiti on every wall; at night you hear revellers drinking and singing on every street. At least, until recently. Last month, the mayor of Rome imposed a 9pm curfew on outdoor drinking in San Lorenzo after a teenage girl was murdered in the area. The subsequent arrest of three immigrants immediately politicised the event and when Deputy Prime Minister Matteo Salvini tried to visit the area, protesters initially denied him entry, accusing him of capitalising on the tragedy for political gain.

I know what you’re thinking: “Rory I’m sure your in-depth knowledge of a country you’ve only lived in for two months totally qualifies you to write about this tragic event, but I thought this was a blog about gricia?” You’re right. If you want to read up about how San Lorenzo as a community has reacted, I suggest here. If, after that, you want to distract yourself from the horrors of the world by thinking about pasta, then it’s Gricia O’Clock below.

According to TripAdvisor, Osteria Pesce Fritto is the 428th best restaurant in Rome. We were sat outside on an ivy-laden back street. If that sounds overly romantic and idealised, rest assured there was also a massive rat on the street that kept running past our table.

The waiter emerged and told us that his own mother was the chef and made all the pasta by hand. I knew what I was here for obviously, but as I took a cursory glance at the menu to check the price, I spotted that the English translation of ‘guanciale’ was not ‘pork cheek’, but ‘bacon’. Bacon?! This is not traditional. In case you haven’t memorised my first blog, Gricia is Pecorino Romano, Pork Cheek, and Black Pepper. Various social media memes devoted to ‘Italians Mad At Food’ have taught us that no variation is acceptable.

I asked the waiter in bad Italian: “The Gricia is made with guanciale right? Not bacon?” He looked at me like I’d suggested putting Pineapple on a Pizza. Or Garlic into a Ragù. Or non - “Protected Designation of Origin” Parmesan into anything.

The waiter made the universal Italian hand gesture for “Of course it’s guanciale, what the fuck else would it be?”

“Then why have you put ‘bacon’?”

“It’s so tourists understand. Americans.”

I nodded wisely. He nodded respectfully. He sensed that he was looking at the foremost Gricia blogger in the world. He knew that once my mission was complete, Italians wouldn’t need to put ‘bacon’ as the translation. The world would know. ‘One gricia, please,’ I said.

The meat was plentiful and crispy. The pasta was short – rigatoni – and dry, rather than fresh. So unless the waiter’s Mum was a multi-national pasta corporation, I don’t think she made it herself. Decent cheese, not enough pepper. No noises. I also detected the scent of onion. Onion! Bacon would almost have been better.

All in all, I don’t think these guys are going to make the top 428 Gricias.

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Gricia Writings

Da Massi, Trastevere. €9

Restaurant: ★★★  | Pasta: ★★★★ | Pepper: ★★★ |  Cheese: ★★★★ | Guanciale (‘pork cheek’): ★★★★★ | OVERALL: 4/5 Colosseums

Rome is full of tourist traps. To maximise my chances of looking like a local, I have decided to call almost everything a tourist trap. If you’re showing a visitor around the centre of town and you want to impress them, my advice is to point at the massive queues, mutter a dismissive ‘tourist trap’, and shake your head while tutting. I do it for everything now. “That? That’s just the Vatican. Tourist trap.”

Sometimes eating in a tourist trap can’t be avoided. Last month my girlfriend and I ended up with no other option. We had intended to eat at Da Enzo, the home of my first Gricia, but Da Enzo has long ceased to be a secret. Though the food remains authentic and locally sourced, the Trastevere trattoria is just a trendy tourist trap. Every outbound Rome visitor has a foodie friend who has been to Da Enzo and gleefully recommends it on Facebook when someone asks for tips (yes, I have been that friend). So the word is out and the queue was big. Unwilling to wait, we wondered to the other side of Trastevere. While trying to locate the Air BnB we stayed in when first visiting Rome, we stumbled upon a restaurant called Da Massi.

Da Massi had all the worrying signs of a tourist trap. Man outside trying to get you inside? Check. Menu in English? Check. Red-and-white tablecloths? Check and chequered. The only thing that redeemed this restaurant was the chalkboard sign that caught my eye.

Roughly translated, and sacrificing a very neat ‘passi/Massi’ rhyme: “If you’re passing through Rome, you absolutely have to try the Gricia at Massi.”

Fair play, Massi. Table for two.

Not even the live band who invaded the restaurant playing acoustic guitar and asking for money could ruin this Gricia. Thick stringy strands of fresh tonnarelli clung together on my plate, forming a cheesy cushion for the crispy meat. I started to make audible noises of appreciation. My girlfriend Charlotte, who had inexplicably ordered some pasta that wasn’t Gricia, said I started to make ‘the noises’. ‘The noises’ are the wide-eyed hums of pleasure I make when I am enjoying myself.  And before you let your mind fall into the gutter, they are noises purely reserved for eating Gricia. Da Massi, I applaud you. May you trap many more tourists.

*I have since eaten twice at Da Enzo and a review will follow shortly. What. A. Teaser.*

Categories
Gricia Writings

Gricia

People often ask me why I moved to Rome. Is there a big stand-up comedy scene there? No. Oh okay, do you know anyone there? No. Are you going there to write a hard-hitting political blog about the 5 Star Movement? No.

Why did I move to Rome? Gricia. Pasta alla Gricia, to be precise.  It is my favourite pasta dish and it is incredible. It deserves to have its own section at the Vatican Museums. The Colosseum should be filled from above with giant Spaghetti alla Gricia. The Fountain of Trevi should be renamed the Fountain of Gricia, and people should close their eyes, toss in a lucky coin, and wish for a husband who is literally just a bowl of Gricia.

If you are ever in a Roman restaurant, don’t even ask for a menu. Get. The. Gricia. If you don’t know how to pronounce ‘Gricia’, just ask for the ‘creature’, and they will probably bring you the Gricia. If you’re a vegetarian, or don’t eat pork, still get the gricia. Some rules are worth breaking. Trust me: I’m a lapsed Catholic.

Gricia is black pepper, pecorino romano, and pork cheek (guanciale). It’s the perfect marriage of salt and fat. It’s a hangover cure that makes you drunk with pleasure. You can have it with short pasta like rigatoni or paccheri, or long pasta like spaghetti or tonnarelli (spaghetti’s cooler, thicker older brother). It is shamefully unknown outside of Italy. The foodies of London cream their pants over creamy ‘Cacio e Pepe’s, unaware that if you add some seriously salty pork cheek to that dish, you have a bowl of pure heaven. I don’t want to start a turf war here because Cacio e Pepe is probably the second best pasta dish in the world. (The first is Gricia, in case that was unclear).

Pasta Remoli

I first had Gricia here in 2016 at a place called Da Enzo but it was only back in London that I truly fell in love with the dish. Luckily I lived two minutes away from Pasta Remoli, Finsbury Park. As far as I’m aware, it’s the only place you can get Gricia in London (and believe me, I have looked – ask anyone who has walked past an Italian restaurant with me and been forced to dutifully wait on the pavement while I check the menu for that magic word).

I became such a frequent customer at Pasta Remoli that I gained a welcoming handshake upon entry and the occasional discount. It was a running joke that I would only ever order the Gricia. Anyone I came with would order the Gricia. If I ever booked in advance for a larger group, the waiter would reassure me “I told the chef you’ll probably all order the Gricia”. I don’t think they knew my name. I can only assume they called me ‘The Gricia Guy’.

Once, I told a waitress that the Gricia was better in Finsbury Park than in Rome. She was visibly offended. “No,” she shouted. “Not possible.” And she’s probably right. If there is a best Gricia in the world, it must be here in Rome. I have found a reason to be here. Do we need more writing from a white Englishman living in Rome? No. But do we need a blog about Gricia? Probably. In Rome, on 23 February 1821, John Keats died of tuberculosis, at the tender age of 25, having written only one poem about Gricia (which he tragically misspelled as ‘Grecian Urn’). So let this semi-regular blog serve as the best love letter we have.